945 days ago

Saturday's Funny: 😉🤢Do you fart in bed?🤢😉

Fiona from Henderson

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄

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More messages from your neighbours
18 hours ago

The perfect treat this Mother's Day

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5 days ago

One Good Kiwi - Nuturing Families

Julia from Henderson

kia ora lovely neighbours

I finally worked out how One Good Kiwi works - onegoodkiwi.one.nz...

"We like to think of One Good Kiwi as a digital koha
that can only be spent on others"

similar to Z's 'good in the 'hood' - you get FREE tokens to donate to a charity of your choice ... FREE to sign up, FREE tokens - you get to choose what charity or charities you would like to support... a real win-win-win (win-win-win...)

me, I spent most of my FREE credits this month on Nurturing Families - a local charity - based in Henderson

Nurturing Families (re-branded from Mummies in Need in 2023) - set up by a lovely young woman (oh! when she was 12, wow -!) - that helps - well families in need

this is from their website: nurturingfamilies.nz...

"Nurturing Families acts as a crisis support agency to help with material aid when a child or baby is at risk or suffering. We primarily work through agency requests so you will need to get in touch with a/your midwife, Plunket nurse, support worker, social worker or case worker and ask them to email a referral after assessing your need."

"We work closely alongside organisations such as the NZ police, Work and Income, Family Success Matters, Family Start, Midwives, and many independent schools, midwives and social workers to provide those in hardship with the basic essentials."

westies making waves of positive change again - awesome !!!!

one of the options this month on One Good Kiwi - to donate FREE credits to them - ALL great charities

so you can HELP them that way

and/or...

if you have some spare time, even an hour or so a week, a fortnight - maybe consider giving them a hand - every time I drop some things off they are so so busy - they really could do with a few more volunteers

it's a handy location - 6/42 Henderson Valley Road, Henderson, only parking is tricky, advise parking on the street - Hours: 9-2 pm Monday-Thursday

and with the greatest of love & respect - SHOW up if you do want to lend a hand (that is my message, from me - I emailed them, no response - TOO BUSY to respond)

arohanui