937 days ago

Saturday's Funny: 😉🤢Do you fart in bed?🤢😉

Fiona from Henderson

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄

Image
More messages from your neighbours
5 days ago

Poll: Does the building consent process need to change?

The Team from Neighbourly.co.nz

We definitely need homes that are fit to live in but there are often frustrations when it comes to getting consent to modify your own home.
Do you think changes need made to the current process for building consent? Share your thoughts below.

Type 'Not For Print' if you wish your comments to be excluded from the Conversations column of your local paper.

Image
Does the building consent process need to change?
  • 91.3% Yes
    91.3% Complete
  • 8.2% No
    8.2% Complete
  • 0.5% Other - I'll share below!
    0.5% Complete
1406 votes
1 day ago

Lest we forget...

The Team from Neighbourly.co.nz

On this ANZAC Day, let's take a moment to remember and honor the brave men and women who have served and continue to serve our country.

Tell us who are you honouring today. Whether it's a story from the battlefield or a memory of a family member who fought in the war, we'd love you to share your stories below.

Image
6 hours ago

What's On: The Music Education Centre performers

Christine from Swanson

As part of May Music Month, talented students and teachers from The Music Education Centre perform at the library. Free concert, one hour duration. All ages welcome.
The Music Education Centre performers
  • Titirangi Library