Life is easier when we feel loved.

Yve from Papamoa Beach

You feel less anxious when you know that if you need your partner – he or she will be able to respond and to be there for you.

Some of the ways to ‘call in the love’ will not be immediately obvious to you. You might ‘go after’ your partner’s attention in a way that puts them on edge, or makes them feel criticised or not good enough. So the next time you feel the urge to tell your partner what is wrong with them – try this instead!

Take a deep breath and acknowledge your ‘hot’ emotion – is it impatience? Anger? What are you thinking about your partner in this ‘hot’ emotion and what is the ‘softer’ emotion you feel under the ‘hot’ response – do you feel left out? Taken for granted? Sad? Lonely? Disappointed?

Sit with this feeling then, turn to your partner and ask them for what you need: “I am tired and I am crabby tonight. But mostly, I just need to let you know that I want you to be around, even though I am like this. I need to feel and sense that you can stay with me, even on my bad days; because you care about me and us”. Be prepared to be surprised!

Disconnections over seemingly small things can cause us to react as if we had been deeply wounded, but our brain craves the safety of a secure partner bond. All couples fight or find they become distant from one another at times - the secret to a loving, healthy bond is knowing how to reconnect.

If you want to know more about reviving your tired relationship, or repairing a failing one, or you simply want to feel closer and more connected visit www.emotionallyfocusedtherapy.co.nz....