Make Eastbourne Great Again MAY #4 Edition - All New - Mayhem!

Phil from Eastbourne

Eastbourne’s only news source brave enough to serve satire with a side of scandal.

WHO IS CAPTAIN COOKER?
Not just a pig or a logo—he’s a movement. A legacy of rebellion is coming to light.
INTRODUCING CHEF GORDON RAMSWINE
Our furious new foodie delivers flame and flavour. First dish: Bushfire Chop with Smoked Apple & Kawakawa. Charred. Controversial. Definitely not vegan.
DRAGONS' TEETH ALERT
New concrete chunks line the cycleway. Safety or sabotage? You decide.
PUKATEA SANDS RESORT CASINO CHAOS
Locals rage over Eastbourne’s Vegas moment. Will retirees bet the bach?
Say Hello to MIKE HOGSKIN
Hosting NewSquawkZB. It’s grunty, gritty, and gloriously off-leash.
MEGA ENTERTAINMENT GOES LIVE
From Springsteen's mid-concert meltdown to our blockbuster-in-the-barn Silence of the Hams, the new MEGA magazine section.
EUROVISION & ECO WARS
Should Eastbourne host its own version of Eurovision? Should we ‘twin-city’ with somewhere like Dull, Scotland? And who exactly is that green-leaning local with the beard, boots, and attitude of Clarkson on a compost bender?
LOCAL BODY ELECTION SAFARI
Barry's out, Tui’s been found, Bruce just… reappeared. Who’s lurking next?
ENOUGH CAFÉS & REAL ESTATE AGENTS
Flat whites flood the coast—but where’s the food worth sitting for?
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