Saturday's Funny: 😉🤢Do you fart in bed?🤢😉
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
“What do you mean?” asked his wife.
“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄
Poll: Do you set New Year’s resolutions?
🎉 2026 is almost here!
We’re curious ... how do you welcome it?
Do you set resolutions, follow special traditions, or just go with the flow?
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10.3% Yes! New Year, New Me
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20.2% Yes - but I rarely stick to them
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69.4% Nah - not for me
Morning Aches Are Optional - Let’s Start the Year Sleeping Better
Hey neighbours,
Waking up with sore shoulders and stiff mornings? Here’s the plot twist - it might actually be your mattress (and pillow) letting you down.
It’s the perfect time to upgrade. New Year, New Bed! Our Boxing Day Sale is still on, so why not treat yourself to a mattress that actually supports you and helps you wake up refreshed? Side sleeper? Back sleeper? Tossing and turning? We’ve got tips and solutions for every kind of snoozer.
Don’t settle for mornings that hurt, your bed should work with you, not against you. Curious about how your mattress could be affecting your shoulders? Check out our blog: beds4u.co.nz...
Find your nearest Beds4U store here: beds4u.co.nz/store-locator
Browse all Boxing Day deals: beds4u.co.nz/boxing-day
Here’s to starting 2026 waking up refreshed, because mornings should feel amazing!
Witnesses sought in relation to mass disorder on K-Road Auckland
Police are appealing to the public for any footage they may have of the mass disorder that occurred on Karangahape Road in Auckland in the early hours of Sunday 28 December.
Emergency services were called to the disorder around 3.41am where it is estimated around over 50 people were present.
A Police investigation is underway after there were three serious assaults on and around Karangahape Road during the mass disorder.
A portal has been set up to allow the public to upload any footage they have of the disorder and the serious assaults.
The portal is https://dahr.nc3.govt.nz/
Police have arrested one person but are asking for help to identify and locate others involved.
• Around 4:15am there was a serious assault outside the Crown Bar on Queen Street.
A 33-year-old man received serious injuries and was hospitalised.
The offender is still unknown, and the Police file number is 251228/4647.
• Around 4:30am there was another serious assault on a Cobden Steet just off Karangahape Road.
A 27-year-old man received serious injuries and was hospitalised.
The offender is still unknown, and the Police file number is 251228/4462.
• Around 5am there was third serious assault at the Mobil Service Station on the corner or Karangahape Road and Ponsonby Road.
A 46-year-old man received serious injuries and was hospitalised.
A 21-year-old man has been charged with wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
He has been bailed to appear in court again on 16 January 2026.
The Police file number is 251228/4774.
Police would like to speak to anyone who has witnessed or filmed the assaults.
Witnesses can call Police directly on 105.
Please quote one of the above file numbers.
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