Stop negative self talk!
Self talk is the inner chatter that goes on in our minds. It’s how we talk to ourselves about what is going on right now; what went on in the past; and what might happen in the future. Self talk influences our moods, attitudes and perspectives.
If this self talk is negative, it will have unwanted repercussions since thoughts and feelings influence our actions, health and well being.
First, identify the quality of your inner conversations. Then, you can go about creating positive self talk that will improve your life.
Let's say you are picking your kids up from school. You are a little late getting out from work and now there is traffic. The lady in front of you seems to have all the time in the world.
"What does she think she is doing? Other people have a life too! I am going to be late because of her driving like a sleeping tablet...oh gosh... I am always late...I never have time...this rushing around is killing me...then I have to cook tonight...I did not defrost the meat..."
By the time you get to your kids you have talked yourself into a very bad mood. You feel on edge, impatient, guilty and grumpy...
Your mood of course will affect your kids and they will get uneasy and grumpy too...
Come aware of your self talk and of the words you are using. Here are some more examples:
"This looks stupid. I know I won’t have fun.”
(How do you know, without any evidence, since the event is in the future? Change your assumption to “this will be fun” and your whole attitude will change. You can't accurately predict either but if you assume a desirable outcome your mood is better and your intention might to have a good time will influence others positively. )
When you’re complimented on your work, you say, “Oh, that’s nothing.” (If someone compliments you, obviously they see the value in your work. Why don’t you? Instead, simply say, “Thank you!”)
“I can’t ever lose those last 10 pounds!” What you tell yourself you start believing, you attract it and create it. (Change to “I’m at my ideal weight.”and "Every day in every way I get better..." Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.)
“That’s not fair!” (Life doesn't always measure up to your ideals of what it should be like – relax and let it be; change what you can, and be okay with what you can’t change.)
“Winning is everything.” (All-or-nothing thinking closes you off to the enjoyment of the moment, the experience of what you are doing.)
“He makes me so mad!” (No. He is doing something that you are choosing to feel angry about. Nobody can dictate how you feel or respond!)
“I am so angry!” (No. You are a person who is feeling emotions of anger. You are feeling an angry emotion. You ARE not your feelings. You ARE not angry.)
“I couldn't take it anymore if she left me!” (Breakups are difficult, but you can survive them and even thrive because of them. Don’t magnify the catastrophe. Instead, let yourself imagine yourself thriving in the aftermath of any personal crisis.)
“I never do well in school.” (Global generalization is unhealthy. You are limiting yourself severely with statements like this! Look at your real and perceived shortcomings as opportunities for growth: “I’m learning about and developing my skills in…”)
“My soup was too salty and now the whole dinner is ruined!” (Really? What about the rest of the meal? Was the whole dinner a culinary disaster, or was the soup just not your best attempt?)
“I can’t have normal relationships because of the abuse I suffered as a child.” (You are giving way too much power to the past. That was then; it influenced you, yes, but you are not in that situation anymore and you have choices in how to heal your past trauma.)
“It’s all my fault that my kids aren't doing well in school.” (No, it’s not. Where is their responsibility for their actions? As a parent, you need to guide, discipline and help your learn children the necessary success skills, but the ultimate responsibility of learning and performing is up to them.)
“Nobody will ever love me.” (No body-Ever? Another self-defeating generalization!)
“I’m so stupid!” (Are you? All the time? Completely, in all ways, in every way stupid? Of course not! Don’t overlook your great qualities! You can say, “That was a silly thing to do. Next time I won’t take that approach!” Learn from mistakes!)
“I wish I could be as pretty as…” (While it’s nice to look up to people and emulate their good qualities, you are still you. Negatively comparing yourself to others demeans who you are – a unique, interesting and valuable individual.)
You may recognize some of these examples. The problem is, they sound so convincingly real – but they’re only choices in how to perceive things.
Make a conscious effort to become aware of your negative self talk. Anytime you become aware of a negative statement, challenge it. Where’s the proof? Is this always true? Your words have so much power!
Imagine you were your own best friend.
Anytime you come aware of a negative thought about yourself you can change that and rephrase it, change it into something more positive, more loving and respectful.
Erase these words from your vocabulary:
Always: there is no such thing. Everything is changing, temporary!
Never (or ever): there is no such thing (see above)
Can’t: maybe not now, but if you want something, you’ll find a way.
Won’t: the same principle applies with ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t. But: an extremely self-limiting argument
Try: Just do! “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda (from Star Wars)
Should: don’t live life according to other peoples’ expectations of you, or put a negative spin on doing things that are good for you (instead of “I should lose weight” say, “I want to lose weight.” ‘Wanting’ is more motivational than ‘having to’!
or use I can or I could stop talking now! no "I should" about that :-)))
with love and smiles
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Young Māori Jared James finds himself living in a self-imposed exile from his home in New Zealand. Struggling with cultural isolation in Japan, he tackles the challenges of an unfamiliar city using the universal language of rugby.
Play Stuff Short Doco: When New Zealand gave two young Chinese refugees citizenship in the 1940’s they found an unlikely way to return the gift – by saving the almighty kumara.