10 strategies to improve self-awareness

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everything begins with the self. 

Ask yourself: what is the opposite of being self-aware?

A few words come to mind, courtesy of thesaurus: unaware, ignorant, blind, oblivious, thoughtless, clueless…It doesn’t sound good, does it?

In a study done by Dr Tasha Eurich, a staggering 95% of people believed they were self-aware, and yet when this was challenged through further questioning, how it relates to their behaviour and how it is perceived by others, it turns out that only 10-15% of people are actually self-aware! They were so rare that she named them self-awareness unicorns!

This is an enormous gap, and it points to the fact that we are just too close to our own stuff to see things clearly and objectively. One could say that we are too identified with our thoughts, perceptions, feelings and beliefs. Lack of self-awareness is a bit like being stuck in the traffic and complaining about it without realising that you are the traffic! 

We lack the meta-cognition required to take a helicopter view and see our stuff for what it is.

Photo: Astronaut Bruce McCandless II floats untethered away from the safety of the space shuttle, with nothing but his Manned Maneuvering Unit keeping him alive. The first person in history to do so. Credit: NASA

So why does it matter and what can we do about it?

According to Eurich’s research, reasons are many and compelling. Self-aware people are more fulfilled, creative and have better relationships. They are more confident and better communicators. They think more clearly and are emotionally more stable and reliable. They are better liked and more trusted; they are less likely to lie and cheat; they are more productive, perform better at work and make better leaders.

Put simply, self-awareness is the habit of paying attention to the way you think, feel, and behave. 

In other words, it’s something you need to practice and develop intentionally by becoming gradually more aware of your inner world and learning to respond to the circumstances of life with awareness rather than helplessly reacting based on the past conditioning and emotionally afflictive states such as anger, fear and so on.

To do that we need to press pause and get curious about our inner workings.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in this space lies our power our freedom to choose our response.” Victor Frankl

As with everything, practice makes perfect. By learning to pay attention in a new, focused and non-reactive way, we can begin to rewire our brains and become more aware of ourselves, of others, and the circumstances and events we find ourselves in.

Here are 10 strategies to improve self-awareness

1. Start noticing your reactions – notice when you are stressed, anxious, or worried. Don’t judge, try and name and observe.

2. Learn to pause. Take a deep breath in and a slow breath out. Bring attention to your senses. Use the acronym – S. T.O. P. Stop. Take a breath. Observe. Proceed. Start introducing regular mini-resets throughout the day where you just stay focused for 3, 5 or 10 breaths.

3. Be kind to yourself, always. Replace self-criticism with acceptance. Practice being kind to yourself without indulging your experience. “Only when I accept myself, just as I am, only then I can begin to change.” Carl Rogers

4. Get curious – start noticing your moods, see if you can capture some thoughts. Write them down. Get to know yourself better, take psychometric tests, ask for feedback. Get better at paying attention in the present moment

5. Challenge your assumptions. We are so quick to jump to conclusions based on assumptions. When you notice them, ask: Is it true? Is it a fact? Am I better or worse for thinking this? Is it useful?

6. Learn to not take things personally – This is hard but essential. What someone says or thinks about you says more about them than it does about you. Take on board the learning and let go of everything else.

7. Be accountable to yourself and to others - Seek honest feedback. Get a self-awareness accountability buddy – someone you can check-in with and who is also practising becoming more self-aware. Support and accountability are essential on our journey to greater self-awareness.

8. Journal – Getting stuff out of your head and putting it down on paper can create a much-needed space between you and your thoughts and it can help you to get perspective and reflect on your experience more objectively. Get clear on your priorities and what gets in the way and set your intentions on how to act on them.

9. Practice meditation and mindfulness – This will create calm and clarity in which you can observe your mind at work in real-time. We can never be 100% objective, but seeking clarity is essential. Download a meditation app – insight timer, headspace or calm. Start with short but regular practice. 

10. Live in integrity – know your values and act in accordance with them. Be honest with yourself and with others. Remember, you will not always succeed. This is the work of a lifetime. Go back to step 1 and start over. 

“In the end, we all want self-awareness. Without it, one can never fully lead effectively. It’s only with the self-awareness that one can journey closer to a state of “self-congruence” — in which what we say, think, and feel are consistent. Building self-awareness is a life-long effort. You’re never “done.” Anthony Tjan 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” C.G. Jung

About the author

Maya Nova is a speaker, trainer, coach and a mindful leadership consultant with over a decade of experience working with people and organisations to help them improve their mental agility, resilience and wellbeing. She is passionate about living our lives as if they really mattered, mindfully, one day at a time. Some of her clients include TVNZ, ANZ, Fisher & Paykel, 2degrees, Tower and Lotto NZ among many others. Visit her website 

You can sign up for more of Maya's mindfulness musings here.

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Join me for the mini-series of webinars exploring the foundations of my #mindfulleadership Leading above the line program. We will begin next week with the role of #selfawareness in leadership and why you can't make progress without it. Self-awareness is the foundation on which we can build leadership above the line.

You can register here: https://lnkd.in/geYCscm